Thursday, March 21, 2013

How Do You Learn to Trust Again After a Difficult Breakup?

It's only been two months since your relationship ended, and it wasn't your choice. You've analyzed every conversation you ever had with him, and you've stayed awake many nights replaying his horrid words that he was ending your relationship. 

Your friends continue to call and invite you out to join them for the latest activity, yet your heart's not in it. Then one weekend, when it's cold and raining, you decide that you've spent enough time alone. You call one of your friends and she rejoices over your newfound attitude. 

You arrive at one of your favorite restaurants, and you feel good about how well you look. After a few drinks, and some lengthy dialogue, two more of your friends join you. 

Then the waiter delivers a round of drinks to your table and tells you that the young man at the end of the bar sent them over. You glance in his direction, and he smiles. 

Within minutes, he approaches your table and introduces himself. That's when your fear sets in. Can you learn to trust someone again, or should you tell him thanks, but you're not interested? 

Crazy thoughts go through your mind, and you're not sure how to respond. Certainly, you never expected to meet someone new on your first night out. He carries the conversation very well. You glance at your friends and roll your eyes. They give you encouragement to go with the moment. 

He asks if you'd like to join him, and you decline. Before he retreats to his seat at the bar, he writes his number on the back of his business card and asks you to call him. 

During the next two days, you look at his card, but you don't call him. Ironically, you don't tear it up and throw it in the trash, either. You just gently tuck it into an inside pocket of your handbag. 

You don't want to bug your friends with more of your over-analytic thoughts, so you get in your car and drive to the mall, heading straight for the self-help section of your favorite bookstore. 

So many titles. Which one do you choose? Besides, how could anyone know what you're doing through? Then, a book title catches your eye. You read the back cover copy, scan the table of contents, and then delve into the first chapter. Interestingly enough, the author appears to have some answers that might help. You buy the book and head home. 

The next evening you get together with your friends and you slap a piece of paper on the table and ask the girl to your right to read it out loud. She begins reading. 

Five Ways to Learn to Trust Again 

1. Stop living in the past. I don't live there. I'm living in the present. 

2. Define my boundaries. Make a list of what I will and won't accept in a relationship. 

3. Don't change who I am just to be with someone. 

4. Visualize my future life as if I had it already. Picture the man who truly loves me, and know that I can have that type of relationship. 

5. Be thankful for everything I have, and start each day with faith, hope, and love towards everyone I meet. 

When she finishes reading your list, she has tears of happiness in her eyes. 

That's when you smile, and remove the business card from your handbag. You hold it up and say, "I'm going to call him."